It seems that I have made myself persona non-grata with many people including someone I thought was a friend who wrote the following about me. "If they have emotional baggage they're carrying around and they feel the need to try to demean someone in order to make theirselves seem superior... End result is it makes me sad knowing how some people have such strict rules for themselves and others to follow...and aren't able to open their eyes to new possibilities and change." It seems that there are many people out there who share the same opinion and since I want to only bring joy to people when they dance, I cannot continue to dance. And last night Allan told me we would be doing no more sets together, for other reasons. I was so upset that I was physically ill and had to leave the show in the middle. Thank goodness Salena Streeter came in at that point. I asked her to carry on and I hope she did.
So I decided to leave SL for good this morning. I emptied the club of everything that was still in my name and gave them to Linri so she could put them back up. I abandoned my land and notified my group that I was leaving. And while I was doing these things, my friend Cas talked to me and kept me company. She did not exactly agree with what I was doing, but she was there to support me and I could not have managed so gracefully without her.
I hate it when people leave and don't say goodbye so I prepared notes for my group, the DJs and club owners I still had commitments with, and the few friends I kept on my list after deleting all the others. And after I sent out the notices and closed the group, I had one last dance with Sasha Watkins at Smooth (the place we met so long ago in August 2007) and said goodbye to him.
Part of me already regrets the decision. I miss not seeing the people I have become friends with over the last year and a half. (When I told Sasha that I only kept 12 out of the 125 on my list he reminded me that 12 new true friends in 18 months would be a very good number for RL.) And I have nothing to do with my spare time now!
The poem I wrote yesterday may turn out to be prophetic and perhaps a new AV will emulate the phoenix and rise from the ashes.