Monday, November 10, 2008

Role Play in SL

SL is full of so many roles that are different from RL and I have often wrestled with the thought of why anyone would want to engage in slave/master or BDSM play. An old friend (male) told me his slaves call it the most liberating thing to totally trust one person and no other. But then, it IS role play and I expect it goes on in RL too. It is just not so open in RL - no one walks around wearing a collar or with a sign over their head "property of master so&so". Most SL role play is segregated to a sim where only that type of behavior is allowed. There is Wild West rp, medieval rp, Star Trek, merfolk, etc. I DO find slave/master rp uncomfortable to be around, and however dscreet the players are, some of the byplay is always noticeable. Unfortunately, two of the DJs I enjoy choreoing for are now into the slave/master rp and I am now feeling very uncomfortable working with them. And I don't know how my group will feel. Who I choose to work with is a direct reflection of who I am. I pride myself on only working with the best DJs. How can I call my group when I know some of them are totally against this sort of role play?

Help me out here. Are my feelings unreasonable? How do you feel about this? And how would you handle this?

8 comments:

Ariel Mornington said...

It shouldn't be the choice of someone elses lifestyle that affects your decision, it should be the quality of music and the joy of dance that does. I know the lifestyle is a hard thing to accept, but you have the opportunity and freedom to let it be known you feel uncomfortable with the talk. I garuntee your request will be honoured.

Emyly Beaumont said...

It is not just being uncomfortable with the behavior. I can choose where and with whom I choreograph dance and I choose people I am comfortable with. So do the members of my group; they are all my friends. I have turned down dance engagements at clubs where I was uncomfortable with the lifestyle and I have also chosen not to call my group to clubs where they would not be comfortable with the lifestyle. So this decision affects more than just myself...

Casandra Shilova said...

If they are doing a gig, they are at work and are being paid as a professional. This should be reflected in appearance, speech and actions. There are clubs where it is quite appropriate and clubs where it isn't. The DJ, the club owner/manager and choreographer have certain expectations, which need to be addressed before they are hired. If something comes to the attention of any of the three positions that is unacceptable or questionable, it should be addressed. Speak with the owner first and reach a consensus.

For a business, of primary importance is customer comfort. If your customers are uneasy with something that is transpiring, they may decide to go somewhere else. Next comes the comfort level of the employees, if you are uncomfortable with actions and/or words from a person it needs to be addressed.

How would you handle it as an RL office manger?

IF you are referring to DJ's at your primary place of work, speak with the owner first and reach a consensus. I would recommend talking with them on the record, keeping a log. It might be that they just don’t realize how it is makes others feel because they are so immersed in the role-play that it is natural to them. The next step would be a warning (written and verbal, recorded).

Be prepared for possible unhappy feelings and scout out replacements.

IF you're talking about other clubs, I would recommend talking to them to see if they would be agreeable to doing gigs with you by themselves and meeting up with the other person afterwards.

Either way make a decision that makes you comfortable.

Donald said...

Emy,
That is right you can choose for whom and when you work. You can say you will or will not dance someone. You can also say if you will be someplace or not.

I just have a question for you though, if these 2 had come out and said they were gay, would you feel the same way., and before you say it is not the same thing, it is.

They probably have all revealed a part of them they have hid for fear of being ridiculed even shunned for it happens, they do not hope for understanding but acceptance that it is their lives, and as adults they should be able to live their lives, as they wish.

If it makes you upset though , and it does, well let them know as you already have, and I am sure that something can be worked out due to it. You do not need to dance them, you do nto even need to talk to them, yet in doing so you are saying just cause you do nto live by my moral codes, are not like me, I have termed you as bad people. Which if I know these 2 they probably are not.

Emyly Beaumont said...

Don, I have many gay and lesbian friends and I am not uncomfortable around them. But I know many people do not accept that lifestyle, so I have chosen not to call my group when I have danced for one of those clubs. However, when the club manager decided to put some sexually explicit pictures on the wall, I became uncomfortable and chose not to work there any more. And yes, Cas, I did discuss it with the owner who is also a very dear friend. The tone of his club was changing, and I was unwilling to change with it. I am not condemning these master/slave role players, it is just a situation that makes ME uncomfortable. Even though the behavior is nearly 100% suppressed, I can still see it affect their actions. I try to live by the creed: An ye harm none. So I am very sensitive to the actions of other people. I may be switching dances every 20 seconds, but I see much more than most people give me credit for. And I would NEVER refuse to dance someone, which means I cannot mute anyone who is obnoxious to me in IM. (I have tried and the result is not pretty.) But that does not mean I have to work in any situation where I am uncomfortable. After all, choreography is MY fantasy.

paulette said...

i had to think long and hard on how to respond. it is not like we come into the club dressed as goreans. we are very respectful and mindful of the fact that not everyone will like and or understand the lifestyle choice we made. we are very much aware that we are in a place of business, we do not demand that any like it. that is your choice.

when i come to dj, i come to entertain, have fun, enjoy good conversation and people i play to.

i do not expect to have to explain my personal choices in a place of business. it's tacky and detracts from the atmosphere of the club. i am very tired of apologizing for my choices, especially when those choices do not involve anyone but me, my sister and OUR Dominant.

emy, if you are not comfortable dancing the set with me, i will understand if you bow out.

hugsss and enjoy your sl.

Emyly Beaumont said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emyly Beaumont said...

I decided last night, before I read Paulette's comment, that I could not deprive myself of the fun that Maggie and I always had. She is one of the DJs who inspires me - and the only one to ever stump me! I will drop the other DJ though. And I am sorry for that. Linri's will suffer from lower attendance unless she can find another choreographer.